to Resilience
By The Rev. Anthony Stephens, MDiv, PhD, LMHC, JD
Readers of my previous articles know that my doctoral studies and early clinical experience dealt extensively with victims of violent acts against women. The literature about domestic violence was troubling. It accurately depicted the deep wounds caused by being abused. However, the literature also proposed guidance for increasing one’s capacity for self-determination in order to promote growth and resilience.
For instance, we cannot control what actually happened, but we can control the following:
- Set yourself up for success – usually this involves education. Be discriminating. Engage in healthy habits. Recognize traps. Keep your head on a swivel to look for good and recognize bad.
- Don’t blame yourself for what is not your fault. You don’t necessarily have to blame anyone, but absolutely do not blame yourself for what is not your fault.
- Realize that you will always be more than the injury you sustain or the wounds that you bear.
- Don’t over-identify with being a victim. (“Victimitis” as the literature calls it). Personally, and socially, we can look at people we might have caused to be victims, by ignorance, bad policy and sometimes malice – and maybe if we are the cause, then we need to make amends. However, identity is personally chosen and personally crafted, even if in the context of a cultural narrative.
- Recognize that you are not just a human being, but a human becoming. (Tillich).
- Recognize and seize the moment when recovery turns into growth.
Our Lutheran Counseling Center therapists offer a variety of counseling modalities, such as CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), that can help our clients to “cognitively reframe” and pursue behaviors that chart a course to resilience. Resilience is not just bouncing back but integrating all elements of life into the ability to become. Faith is an essential element.
For several years, I visited Verna Kwiatkowski in a nursing home. Musician, teacher, pastor, writer and composer, she contracted Primary Lateral Sclerosis (as nasty as Lou Gehrig’s). Tapping out articles on her keyboard (as she could no longer talk), she would pen an article The Best is Yet to Be, just shortly before her death. Her joy remained irrepressible to the end.
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Rev. Anthony Stephens provides secure telehealth counseling sessions for teens, adults, couples and familes. Please see Anthony’s bio here.
For an appointment, call LCC at 1-800-317-1173
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